This morning the kids both had some reduced scones and jam for breakfast. Not the most healthy but I just could not be bothered to make pancakes. I have promised Matt they can have some tomorrow.
I forgot to take bread to work so just had soup. I was so hungry today. I realised I've not had any protein or fat. The food we've had has been reasonably good; carbs, veg, but it's not quite satiated my hunger. And the ever-present niggling pressure of the challenge certainly impacts how I'm feeling. I spoke to Les when I got in from work; hunger doesn't usually bother him, he usually eats once a day anyway, but this week it has got to him. I guess it's knowing we can't have what we want which makes us want it all the more.
I was tired. I think I've held it together pretty well at work (maybe ask my colleagues!) But it's felt hard and despite an early night last night I just feel drained and a bit "meh".
Dinner certainly perked me up though, these chickpea and carrot burgers were delicious and I felt properly full for the first time this week. The bread was a bonus as I picked it up in Tesco for 3p (this place is my actual saviour.)
Sophie had Maths tuition tonight so I was so pleased to send her off with a full belly. I've been worried about both kids' ability to concentrate with compromised nutrition as they both have exams next week. Matt went to his friends house, and bless that child, he passed up pizza, garlic bread, fizzy pop. I picked him up at 8pm and he was really hungry but I'm so proud of him for sticking with it.
While the kids were out Les and I went to Tesco as we were passing (again. I once swore I'd never shop there...) we had a poke around the reduced veg but didn't find much. I'm desperate for some fruit. Then as we passed the tills we hit the actual jackpot. There were trays stacked with reduced items. Mainly bread for 1p a loaf. But also cakes and buns, fancy pastries and crackers. For pennies. There may have been a slight tussle between Les and I for the last 2p chocolate cake...
We both felt elated yet uncomfortable. We're meant to be suffering not indulging! One of my friends at work said I'm a bit of a martyr. I think maybe he's right. But I think it should be hard for us! It's what you all sponsor us for isn't it? Pain and suffering?!
There was a tray of Cadburys Heroes cupcakes for 9p. We bagged those for the kids. I was so excited in anticipation of seeing their faces! Along with some tomato and herb crackers that I can have for supper; I really miss supper. So I hope you'll forgive us for not suffering as much as you might like! We've always said we won't take gifts of food but if it's reduced in a shop then it's fair game for all.
I've thought a lot about why this year doesn't seem as hard as previous years. Maybe its because we've learned from previous years. Maybe it's because Les is in charge of the boys, so I don't feel the sole burden of making sure we're all well fed. Maybe it's all the ridiculously cheap yellow sticker finds! Maybe it's because no longer volunteering at the drop in means I'm further removed from the reality of the poverty we're trying to highlight.
That last possibility scares me. Working full time is what my family need right now, but I fear becoming completely detached and removed from what actual poverty looks like. This challenge is really important to us, as a way of financially supporting an amazing local charity. But also a way of speaking up for those living the reality of abject poverty and saying "It's not ok that people can't feed their children properly." "It's not ok that parents are starving themselves in order to hold together some semblance of normality for their children." "It's not ok that anyone lives in such constant fear and distress that life doesn't seem worth it." And I'm sorry that's really heavy for a Wednesday evening. Except I'm not that sorry, because I feel like we should be shouting about it every day until something changes. I want this to be hard in a way which lessens the burden of someone else. I want to share the stress, anguish, loneliness and despair so that it gives someone else a moment to breathe. Unfortunately it doesn't quite work like that. But I know that the drop in changes lives and makes people feel heard and noticed. So at least we can help support that.
https://www.mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/kateraynor2018
No comments:
Post a Comment